5 Signs You Need More Forgiveness in Your Life
Jul 12, 2024
Did you ever notice when you’re holding onto a grudge, whether it’s to another person, yourself, or life, there’s this elusive haunting feeling in the backdrop of your psyche similar to an unfinished paper you need to write? No? Just me?
Think of all your peace and vitality oozing out of you day after day.
Hey, I’m not trying to get you down, it’s just that this topic rarely gets on the “to-do” list. Listen, I’m the first to admit that it feels irritating when someone says, “You should forgive because it’s for you and not for them,” yeah, so is flossing and eating clean, but we’re not perfect. Let me give you some inspiration to clean up those energy leaks.
I know the noise of grievances can feel normal and comfortable at first, but it ends up trapping us in suffering. The truth is that forgiveness has immense power to liberate and uplift our lives. But don’t feel discouraged because it is possible to find a path to letting go. Remember, this process looks different for everyone, so tailor it in a way that aligns with your pace and timeline.
In this post, we'll explore practical strategies to release grudges, embrace forgiveness, and reclaim your inner peace - even when it seems impossible.
In this blog, you'll learn:
- What forgiveness is
- Why we forgive
- To heal at your own pace
- The 5 benefits of forgiveness
- The 5 signs more forgiveness is needed
- An enlightening story of transformation from unresolved pain
- Tips for forgiving at your own pace
What is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness can be defined as the conscious choice to release feelings of resentment or vengeance against someone who's harmed you, whether they deserve it or not. It's not about forgetting, condoning, or excusing what happened. I will list the easy breakdown for you.
Why Forgive?
1. To find freedom.
Harboring grudges and grievances weighs us down, draining our energy and stealing our peace. Forgiveness is the pathway to dropping this heavy load and reclaiming vitality.
2. For our own peace, not their absolution.
"Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace." - Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We forgive to let go of toxins that poison our body and spirit, not to pardon the offender.
What a profound perspective shift!
Sure, forgiveness can benefit the person who hurt you if you choose to tell them, but it indirectly changes how you show up in the world. Think of your posture of protecting your heart and holding your shoulders to your ears. Now imagine walking through the world guarded like that. You’re missing out on all that love and goodness in the world.
Heal At Your Own Pace
It's understandable to cling tightly to beliefs that something "shouldn't have happened" or that someone "should be different." Something bad did happen. You don’t need to gaslight your way out of your anger, grief, and disappointment. True forgiveness is so much more than dismissively saying, "I'm over it." It's not about pretending you don't care or that it doesn't matter.
Holding onto resentment leaves a toxic residue inside us. It triggers inflammation and stress hormones. Grudges also raise blood pressure and disrupt sleep.
“But I can’t just forgive everything that happened…”
That’s okay, forgiveness is a gradual process. Each step, even a 10% progress, can lighten the burden significantly over time.
The more you make peace with the past, the more your body stops bracing, and a sense of relaxation and freedom comes over you! It's like putting down heavy baggage we've carried for too long. Need 7 quick reasons to inspire you to take action?
5 Benefits of Forgiveness:
- Releasing the past builds self-esteem and inner peace. Personalizing other people’s bad behavior messes with your self-worth.
- With higher self-esteem, your immune system grows stronger. The backdrop of inflammation and anger is gone.
- Life feels infused with vitality and excitement! Being untethered to those people and experiences brings back your bounce and curiosity.
- You’re no longer scanning for slights in your day. This will reset your default setting of distrust to trust in the world.
- As you release the trauma of grievances, you won’t take things as personal. Without those trauma responses, you can respond in the moment with a level one of alarm, versus a 10…all while not holding a knife. Joking.
At first you may feel suspicious of joy, and brace for something bad to come. No worries. Inner ease will become more familiar. Not sure if you still need to forgive? I got you.
5 Signs Forgiveness is Still Needed:
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Getting stuck in loops of anger, obsessing over past wrongs.
Those good old reruns in your head saying what you wish you would have said something more empowering or witty. Taking the time to process those injustices can really alleviate the side effects of oozing resentment lingering all around you.
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Letting the past dictate present limitations.
We might say, "Because this happened to me, I could never have what other people have.” You may innocently decide you can never heal from the past injustices you’ve experienced, and as a result, you develop a fixed versus a growth mindset, and not allow yourself to change. Feels a bit oppressive, doesn't it?
Your inner dialog may look like:
- “Because this happened, I'm this way.”
- “This is why I'm behind in life.”
- “I must be ‘bad’ if that happened to me.”
It's true that some people face fewer obstacles. They may also get thrown off faster because they haven’t exercised their resilient muscles. Feel better already? You’re welcome.
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Inability to reframe your experiences
I understand the challenge of accepting difficulties or illnesses when we feel life should be easier. It's natural to wish we never had to face obstacles or hardships.
Did you know if you thought you should be exempt from human suffering, and go unscathed without betrayal, heartbreak and pain, life feels worse?
Please remember it's okay to feel scared or have strong emotions when dealt blows like a serious diagnosis or the shock of losing a loved one. Dwelling in thoughts of “this is unfair” can prolong the emotional pain. It probably isn’t fair.
Let yourself be right without doing a survey with all your friends and family to validate what you already know. Grieve, heal and release the pain in your body.
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We fail to take responsibility for our feelings.
I recognize the hesitation to fully experience devastation or disappointment. It might feel frightening to delve into feelings when you’re afraid you’ll feel overwhelmed.
Noticing how you define your experiences really makes a difference. Thoughts like, “Once I start crying, I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop,” can keep you in the land of denial, but seeing through the negativity of your thoughts, can be your greatest ally.
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Bracing against all the animosity and injustice in the world.
If you come from a marginalized community, you’re all too familiar with the disgust of racism, ableism, gender bias, and all the other “isms” in the world. Code switching to stay safe can really take a toll on your body. Consider:
- Doing healing on all these micro and macro aggressions living in you
- Take up space and let yourself be seen as you move through the world
- Have the audacity to be you at all times!
It can be painful to regularly experience slights and injustices every single day, which is why it’s great to do a forgiveness exercise everyday. I like the book Forgiveness: 21 Days to Forgive Everyone for Everything by Iyanla Vanza.
“Rosemary’s” Story:
“Rosemary,” a past client who was in her fifties, deeply believed her mother didn't love her. This pained her immensely, haunting her for years despite attempts to move past it.
Rosemary felt resentful because she perceived her mother didn't show interest in things important to her. She was convinced this proved a lack of love.
As we explored, she recognized her mother did demonstrate affection in many ways, like attending events and spending quality time with “Rosemary.” They just had different love languages! “Rosemary” longed for mentoring discussions and a sign her mother was verbally curious about her.
For years, “Rosemary” projected these unresolved feelings onto friends and partners, overgiving and then withdrawing when needs weren't met as expected. This reinforced beliefs that people didn't care, perpetuating alienation.
“Rosemary's” story shows the human tendency to view present experiences through lenses of unresolved past hurts, convincing ourselves we’re not lovable or people are just not that interested in us. Finally allowing herself to process these old wounds and beliefs, “Rosemary” moved through the world feeling loved and lucky that she had a mom as loving and caring as she did.
Like “Rosemary,” it’s easy to have an experience, unconsciously decide what it means, and live wounded for a very long time. As long as we give ourselves permission to explore our thoughts and feelings, we can have the opportunity to to heal, redefine and move past those moments.
Tips on forgiveness:
- Healing is gradual: go at your own pace. As you may have discovered, you can’t strong arm yourself to forgive.
- Recognize when you're stuck in loops of anger. Take a moment, get curious, and process your anger.
- Take responsibility for your feelings. Emotions move through quickly when we acknowledge them and feel them.
- Resist the seduction of a negativity bias. Meet the moment with honesty and remember not to insult yourself.
Need some support processing the grudges living inside you waiting politely for you to address them? The information above is from a class inside the Mastery section of the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle. There you will find a step-by-step healing path to help you build a strong and resilient foundation to heal from your past and move through life with ease.
You can find this Forgiveness: From Pain to Peace healing class in the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle
You will learn about the Invoke and Release® healing method which is a powerful tool helping you release emotional trauma so you can feel free to live the life you want.
The Invoke and Release® Healing Modality helps you:
- Forgive yourself and others
- Transform your pain into peace
Joining the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle provides these benefits:
- Removing emotional pain and grudges creates more intimacy and connection with yourself, your partner, family, and friends
- Enabling you to attract happier and healthier people into your life
Important Links:
Reveal and Heal Obstacles to Your Success™
Invoke and Release® Healing Circle
Helpful blogs:
Why is Healing Trauma Important
Seeing through the Seduction of Negative Thinking
Why Forgiving Yourself Helps You Make Peace with Your Past
Recommended Books:
Forgiveness: 21 Days to Forgive Everyone for Everything by Iyanla Vanzat
