How to Befriend Your Wild and Wonderful Emotions

Have you ever noticed your emotions can feel like a rollercoaster ride? 

You know, like you’re up, happy or content, then out of the blue you feel down, extremely sad or angry? Yeah, fun times.

If you’re uncomfortable, intimidated or even overwhelmed with your emotions, you may not only avoid them, but also become unsympathetic of others who are also expressing emotions.  

But what if trying to repress your emotions only gives them more power over you? After all, our emotions are not the boogie man. 

As Haemin Sunim, a Zen Buddhist teacher, wisely advises, 

“Do not fight your negative emotions. 

Observe and befriend them.” 

Being curious and observing your emotions can feel more supportive, but I would avoid labeling them as negative. If you think about it, emotions are like bowel movements, (stick with me here), it’s just a normal part of being human, it doesn’t always happen at the most convenient time, but it always has to be released! 

What do you say we go on a journey to understand and befriend your emotions, cultivate courage, and feel confident being in your adult self? Still feeling dread? Here is what I tell my clients, just imagine you’re 50 feet taller than all your emotions.  That should help!

In This Blog, You'll Learn:

1. Why we might be afraid of our emotions
2. Cultural expectations surrounding emotional expression
3. How to cultivate courage in feeling our emotions
4. 6 different types of courage and their significance
5. 5 kinds of confidence
6. Tips to help you deal with your emotions with ease

Are you ready to face and befriend your emotions? Let’s start by talking about why we’re afraid of them.

Why are we might be afraid of our own emotions? 

Sometimes emotions seem frightening, but why? 

1. You may have come from a history where your emotions were minimized. For example, depending on the emotional intelligence of the people who raised you, you may have learned that certain feelings were negative or unacceptable. Parents may have wanted to protect children by minimizing emotions without realizing the impact.
2. An emotionally chaotic household could have disrupted your nervous system, causing you to avoid your own emotions as self-preservation. For instance, if a caregiver struggled with rage, yet no one soothed or explained anything to you, your adult self may believe you have the same skill as your child self.  
3. Society often paints emotions as weakness. Expressing sadness publicly might bring embarrassment or shame. Feeling vulnerable is part of being human, though cultural norms suggest otherwise. Often the person with the most power, as well as their comfort with emotions may set the tone for emotional tolerance. 

How does society paint emotions as weakness? The next section will tell you how.

Cultural Expectations Around Emotional Expressions

There seem to be different cultural expectations around emotional expressions that impact people differently.

• In politics, if a man sheds some tears, he may be seen as sensitive in a positive way - having a heart. 
• However, a woman expressing emotion may be perceived as unable to handle challenges. (Rude!)
• Similarly, a man displaying anger earns labels like conviction or passion, while a woman could be called names for the same emotions. (Also rude!)
• Having endured a lifetime of micro and macro aggressive comments, marginalized communities, like BIPOC or LGBTQIA+, openly expressing emotions can feel dangerous around insensitive and unsafe environments. (Super rude!)

See? Totally understandable why we may all hesitate to openly be ourselves. Building the courage to engage with our feelings helps support living more authentically but how do we do that? 

Cultivating Courage in Feeling Our Emotions

Finding a safe community that allows for us to feel our emotions more fully can help us handle life's challenges. Let’s say for example, you’re the head of staff in a hospital working during the difficulties of the COVID-19 pandemic, it would be more helpful if you got to express your freak out to a safe mentor before you went out to lead a large staff. Releasing your own emotions can help with showing up as a clear and confident leader.

Activating courage helps us access confidence on the other side. Remember, courage means this is an area of discomfort. If you’re a pro, not much courage is needed since you have already built your confidence.  Baby steps. 

Courage empowers us to:

• live authentically, 
• align values with career and purpose, 
• take risks, 
• seek feedback, and 
• tolerate temporary struggle. 

Courage can also mean allowing yourself to be a novice when you're starting something new. This can be hard if you've been an expert for so long. You know, courage to make loads of mistakes, and trusting that you will build the knowledge and confidence to achieve whatever your goal is.  

Let’s chat about different kinds of courage.

Want 6 Different Kinds of Courage?

Courage comes in many forms, each with its unique significance.

• Physical courage: Putting oneself in harm's way to protect others – like military service or taking a bullet for someone.

• Social courage: Daring to be our authentic selves even if it risks embarrassment or exclusion. Social media often tests this courage.

• Moral courage: Going against the crowd when something is ethically wrong. Some psychology experiments show how hard group thinking can be.

• Intellectual courage: Questioning not just ideas, but our own thinking. Making sure we’re not drinking our own kool-aid and deep in illusion. 

• Spiritual courage: Trusting when something is no longer aligned, and leaving communities that no longer fit, even if they once brought us comfort.

• Emotional courage: Allowing ourselves to feel fully without judgment. This helps emotions flow freely rather than getting stuck. Plus, it’ll keep us all healthy to move that energy.

How about 5 Kinds of Confidence?

Confidence is multifaceted, each type offering unique benefits.

• Self-confidence means knowing your voice deserves to be heard and that you belong. It's not about perfection, but knowing you have a right to take up space and contribute to the conversation.
• Confidence in others shows through treating people like responsible adults and clarifying roles respectfully. Rather than controlling behavior or encouraging codependency, we can let go of accidental arrogance that people should act more like us and less like them. 
• Confidence that things happen for a reason. Mandy Hale said, “Realize that if a door closes, it's because what was behind it wasn't meant for you.” Mic drop. Though devastating at first, you’ll notice if asked about it years later, you will comment that it’s one of the best things that happened.  (Barring that your child died of course.) 
• Confidence that change can be a good thing. Deciding that you can handle life's changes can go a long way. Remember to seek out professional help if needed, and asking for support from your community can make the process funner. 
• Confidence to know that it's going to be okay even in loss. Grief touches everyone at times and ranges from inconsolable to more subtle. Yet we all have strength greater than we know. However long storms last, the sun eventually returns. Reminding ourselves that we can handle whatever comes our way can be a great companion during these difficult times.

Not used to noticing how you feel? This will help.

Preparing to be an emotional detective:

• If you're feeling agitated or off, be sure your blood sugar is okay so don’t accidently tell people off.  
• If you’re feeling flat or tired, be sure your adrenals and thyroid are tended to.
• If you're feeling depressed or looping in thoughts, you may want to clean up the sugar you’re eating and get your serotonin checked. 
• If you’re noticing you’re crying a lot, your dopamine may be a little low, or your hormones are off. Exercising may help.

Making sure your body is balanced first before you assess your emotions can give you a head start on cognitive clarity and balance. This will prevent you from being seduced by negative thinking. 

Tips to Support You

Navigating your emotional landscape can be challenging, but these tips can help you along the way:

• Observe Your Emotions: Instead of resisting or judging your emotions, practice observing them with open curiosity and compassion.
• Reflect on Cultural Influences: Consider how societal norms and family dynamics may have shaped your relationship with emotions.
• Embrace Vulnerability: Allow yourself to be authentic and vulnerable, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
• Practice Courage Daily: Take small steps to confront your fears and embrace new opportunities for growth.
• Connect with Physical Sensations: Pay attention to how your emotions manifest in your body, and consider the underlying causes.
• Believe in Yourself: Cultivate self-confidence by recognizing your worth and trusting in your abilities.
• Embrace Change: Instead of fearing change, see it as an opportunity for growth and transformation.
• Seek Support: Don't be afraid to reach out for help and guidance when facing challenges.

Key Takeaway

As you explore deepening your confidence, I encourage you to connect with your inner wisdom and badassery. Believing in your ability to learn, and problem-solve can make the journey a whole lot easier. When we bet on ourselves, we find the courage to move through uncertainty. We realize, “I may not know exactly how, but I can figure it out step by step.”

Would you like guidance on befriending your emotions and building courage and confidence? The information above is from a class inside the Mastery section of the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle. There you will find loads of classes and mini healings to help you embrace all of your emotions with more ease.

You can explore these concepts further in the Befriending Your Emotions: From Courage to Confidence class in the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle.

You will learn about the Invoke and Release® method which is a powerful tool to release emotional blocks so you can feel free to live the life you want.

The Invoke and Release® Healing Modality helps you:

• Befriend your emotions
• Be more courageous and confident
• Raise your energetic vibration for emotional resilience

Joining the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle provides these benefits:

• Removing pain creates more connection with self and others
• Attract healthier relationships
• Amplify ability to manifest desires
• Feel comfortable being your authentic self

If you feel called to tend to your emotions with confidence and clarity, I encourage exploring the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle. With an open mind and heart, you can access profound inner resources to illuminate your journey.

Important Links:

Haemin Sunim

Reveal and Heal Obstacles to Your Success™

What is Invoke and Release®?

Invoke and Release® Healing Circle

Invoke and Release® website

Helpful blogs:

Seeing through the Seduction of Negative Thinking

Codependence: Your Obstacle to Your Personal Success!

From Codependency to Clarity: Adulting Made Easy

Recommended book: 

The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You by Karla McLaren