Expanding Your Self-Love Will Activate Your Success
Apr 19, 2024
Did you ever notice you can have the best of intentions of following through on your goals, but that sneaky inner voice is whispering not to take the first step?
The truth is when we take the time to cultivate having unwavering self-respect, our self-love will no doubtably grow. Why is this important? Because with the cushion of self-love and self-respect, when we mess up, make mistakes, and have to start over, that cushion will be a softer disappointment. You know, less cringe energy.
Need it broken down?
- Self-respect fosters self-love
- Self-love provides an emotional cushion when we stumble
- This cushion allows us to be easier on ourselves after mistakes
- It reduces harsh self-judgment and cringing
- It enables quicker rebounds and fresh starts
Ta-da! See? It’s not just woo rah rah yay me for no reason. Just like you would with any intimate partner, respecting yourself as you unfold in life will help develop inner trust and confidence to take steps towards your goals.
When self-respect falls short, it can prevent us from taking action on our dreams. Critical inner voices and negative thinking often mute our inner brilliance, which can make it easier to absorb society's rule books.
- “If I have good things, people will be mad at me.”
- “Other people are more qualified than me.”
- “I don’t have anything to offer the world.”
You might think, “Of course I love myself,” but often that sneaky conditioning is just in there ready to pop up at the moment you decide to level up in your life. Yup. Fun times. Let’s evaluate your current self-love practices. On a scale of 1-10, how much positive regard do you feel for yourself?
“What are you talking about? Of course, I love myself at a 10.”
But are you really sure? It’s a tricky question isn’t it? We can love ourselves in certain areas of our lives when we feel proud of a situation, yet in another area we can be filled with shame and self-loathing.
In This Blog, You'll Learn:
- Why self-love lays the foundation for loving others
- Examples of what self-love looks like in daily life
- The difference between self-love and self-maintenance
- How one woman transformed by clearing self-judgment
- Easy ways to boost self-acceptance from this day forward
In a prior class, I talked about the definition of what it means to love yourself. "To love yourself means to accept yourself as you are and to come to terms with those aspects of yourself that you cannot change." It means to have self-respect, a positive self-image, and unconditional self-acceptance.
Five quick examples of what self-love looks like:
1. Choose yourself, even if it means upsetting someone else. it's about being able to say:
- "I won’t be able to make this social function."
- "I'm too fatigued to socialize, so I can’t talk today.”
- "Going forward, I need you to do these tasks at home."
2. Communicate while seated in your power. Express your needs in a respectful and responsible way. Notice if you speak with the intention of seeking approval or external love. This can make you accidentally present your false self. Remember, you’re still safe even if people are disappointed.
3. Take care of your body.
- Eat foods your body does well with. (No fibbing to yourself)
- Rest enough for you. Retire hustle culture.
- Exercise for your body type. Not all bodies are the same.
4. Accept yourself for being human. This will make you feel giddy inside that you don't have to be perfect. Best part? You get to embrace your mistakes as a sign of growth. Remember, expecting that you should never make mistakes is like having a goal that you should never be hungry. Not a necessary or helpful goal.
5. Own our inner and outer beauty. Feeling proud of yourself doesn’t mean you’re arrogant, or entitled. Just, “hey I see you and appreciate you.” Even better, stick a post-it note on your mirror that says, “Hey, you are one smart, hot sexy human! Thanks for being me!”
Self-Love vs Self-Maintenance
Self-love is where you have space and time to feel your emotions and visit yourself, while self-maintenance is scheduling exercise, acupuncture and massage for upkeep.
Think of self love as being present with yourself like you’d be with an intimate partner or your adorable 4 year old child. Starting your day seeing yourself can make you feel lucky that you get to be on this journey called life. Self-love is witnessing yourself, seeing yourself, and honoring the ebbs and flow of your inner world.
If your nervous system is in hyper arousal, you may be used to powering through life, and only reflect if there’s a crisis or you’re feeling ill. With the best of intentions, you may forget to put yourself in your schedule, always thinking you’ll prioritize yourself later, but later never seems to come. Next thing you know, your reserves hit empty, and you feel irritated if anyone asks anything of you. Oops. Like I say to my clients, self care equals our public service. We are so much nicer to people, and as a side effect, we’re actually having fun in life. Gasp!
You see? The key to your success is having the audacity to curate your schedule where you eliminate all things that drain your energy. You’ll have more bandwidth to be present for yourself and the people in your life. Your future self will thank you for it.
Self-Love: Mary’s Story
I once had a client named Mary (not her real name) who lived in Chicago. Mary worked as an administrative assistant at a university but held big dreams of starting her own business one day. She was highly skilled, with all kinds of training and certifications in healing modalities under her belt. It seemed Mary knew how to do just about everything.
However, Mary found herself in a difficult season of life. Both her parents fell terminally ill. As their only child, Mary became consumed with caregiving duties. This intensive support of her ailing mom and dad spanned many years. On top of that, Mary was a single mother raising her son. So, the majority of Mary's time and attention went towards caring for family members in need.
Then suddenly, Mary's son left the nest to attend college where he was flourishing and happy, and though she missed him, was joyous he was settled in his new environment. Mary's parents eventually passed away as well.
After so many years spent caring for her parents and son, Mary realizes she was conditioned to scan other people’s emotional needs, versus her own. It never occurred to her to have dreams and personal goals. Having spent most of her adult life caring for others, pockets of self-loathing emerged within Mary. She realized a total lack of self-care or compassion for her own journey.
Together in our coaching, we worked intentionally on building Mary's self-love and clearing away those blocks of self-contempt. By adding the tool of scanning herself before others, Mary slowly transformed into a more empowered mindset. To my great excitement, she became determined to launch the business she had long dreamed about!
Although the process challenged her tendency to put herself last, Mary pushed past those barriers. She rented her very first office space and began offering services aligned with her natural skills and passions.
This is a common theme with my clients. Many nurturing, caring souls struggle with putting their own needs first. But self-care lays the foundation empowering us to fully contribute our gifts. Just as loving others well starts with loving ourselves, moving life forward positively begins by no longer harboring self-criticism. With cleaner energetic pathways, suddenly everything flows with a bit more ease!
Taking Self-Love Forward
Expanding self-acceptance is a journey, not a destination. Here are a few ideas to integrate this work into your life:
- Notice how you show up with others when you're grounded in self-approval. Do you communicate any differently with your partner, colleagues, or friends? See if greater self-compassion colors your interactions with more patience, generosity, and care.
- Also, check in with your nervous system. When you’re not in hyperarousal, what do you observe? You may feel relief paired with fatigue. Your physiology is adjusting to lower cortisol levels after chronic stress. Honor any need for extra rest as your body stabilizes.
- Now that we've raised our level of self-love, get curious about where you may still struggle with putting your needs first. Does saying "no" feel scary or impossible in certain situations or relationships? Take baby steps asserting your boundaries, knowing you are solely responsible to let others know what you need. By not expecting people to read your mind, you’re treating yourself and others as an adult.
This exploration is a lifelong process. Where do you still resist fully accepting yourself? How can you sprinkle more small moments of presence into your days?
Tips for Expanding Self-Love:
- Check in on yourself. Are you on your own team?
- Make time for simple joys that delight your soul
- Practice saying no without guilt to honor your needs
- Notice when you fall into people-pleasing patterns
- Embrace rest when your nervous system feels fatigued
- Get curious where you resist fully accepting yourself
- Consider working with a mentor to unlock inner obstacles
Would you like guidance on expanding self-love? Inside the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle, after the members have completed the core healing course, “Reveal and Heal Obstacles to Your Success™” there is a full library called Mastery: Masterclasses to Deepen Your Resilience, with a variety of healing topics to choose from. The healing circle is designed to give you step-by-step support to build resilience by healing the past and activating success.
You can find the Expanding Self-Love healing process in the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle.
The Invoke and Release® method helps you:
- Expand self-love
- Strengthen your ability to receive inner wisdom and guidance
- Release limiting beliefs blocking your inner truth
- Reset your nervous system when activated
By joining the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle, you get:
- Tools to navigate through upsets
- An opportunity to release past blocks and barriers
- Increased self-awareness and connection to your inner truth
If you feel called to deepen self-love, I encourage you to explore my Invoke and Release® Healing Circle further! With an open mind and heart, you can access profound inner resources to anchor and illuminate your path.
Important Links:
Reveal and Heal Obstacles to Your Success™
Invoke and Release® Healing Circle
Helpful blogs:
Want to catch up on the full “Reveal and Heal Obstacles to Your Success™” blog series? Catch up below:
Why is Healing Trauma Important
Your Body as Your Healing Ally
Seeing through the Seduction of Negative Thinking
Codependence: Your Obstacle to Your Personal Success!
From Codependency to Clarity: Adulting Made Easy
Ancestral, Family, Gender and Cultural Agreements as an Obstacle to your Dreams
Why Should You Bother Meeting and Greeting Your Inner Parts?
Meeting and Greeting Your Parts
The Ultimate Guide to Identifying and Transforming Your Limiting Beliefs
Is Your Family Legacy Weighing You Down? How to Let Go and Heal
Why Forgiving Yourself Helps You Make Peace with Your Past
How to Reclaim Your Power and Step into Your Adult Self
Book Recommendations:
Worthy: How to Believe You Are Enough and Transform Your Life by Jamie Kern Lima
