Codependence- Your Obstacle to Your Personal Success
Jan 26, 2024
What is Codependence?
Codependence is a term that I used to have limited understanding about, so it used to bug me. It reminded me of the old days when it described a 1970’s housewife helping her drunk husband hide his issues. Don’t judge, I’m not that old. Now it’s a whole new thing that I find empowering and insightful to explore. Like when we outsource our self-esteem based on how others see us, or over-giving as a strategy to belong, we can all do inventory in areas of unhealthy codependency and clean up our unconscious habits.
Before we go any further, let's debunk a myth—codependency doesn't mean your life has gone haywire. Talented individuals, high-achievers—they're on this list. It's the nuances of codependency that throw a curveball.
"Codependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They under-react.
But rarely do they act." - Melody Beattie
Let's explore those innocent power transfers we do. I'll share those little things that might hit home. As you read, cut yourself some slack—no need for labels. We all come from a compensating history, navigating what's approved and what's not. And admit it, as sensitive beings, we often dive into helper mode, feeling others' pain more deeply.
Let's call it like it is—sensitivity. When you're highly sensitive, someone else's distress can knock you off balance.
In this post, we'll explore:
- The World of Codependency: Unpacking the dynamics, especially common among high-achievers.
- Ten Sneaky Symptoms: Identifying subtle signs that can disrupt your daily mojo.
Now, let's delve into the good stuff—Ten Symptoms of Codependency. No need for notes, just read lightly. These are tiny shifts, no pressure.
- Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem, that tricky companion, influences so much of our lives. When it rears its head, we find ourselves doing things not for joy but to compensate for not feeling good enough. The comparison game becomes frequent, questioning our worth against others. Ever felt unlovable or inadequate? Here's a classic scenario – the power play. We hand over our power, convinced others are better.
The guilt trip is another stop. Feeling guilty about things, even beyond control, becomes a companion. Why? We convince ourselves we're responsible for someone else's mood. Enter the perfectionist – doing everything perfectly to avoid humiliation or embarrassment.
- People-Pleasing
People-pleasing, an art of agreeableness, is a virtue in navigating the world with empathy. However, sometimes, we find ourselves deep into people-pleasing territory. We all want to be polite without losing our sense of self, but some cultural and gender conditioning is only about serving others.
When people-pleasing takes center stage, saying no becomes Herculean. Anxiety creeps in, and we might present an outward image like, "Don't they know I should do this or that?" Newsflash – they probably don't. People-pleasing assumes others can't handle their own emotions, leading us to rush in and try to fix things.
- Poor Boundaries
Picture boundaries as this invisible thing – an imaginary line that separates you from someone else. It's not just about the obvious stuff like not taking people's money or respecting personal space; it extends to emotions and needs, a subtle yet critical territory often neglected. Reflect on how this plays out in your life and the lives around you.
In this realm, some people start feeling responsible for others' feelings and problems, taking too much responsibility. For example, you might believe your way is the “correct way,” so when others don't follow your personal rulebook, you feel indignant and insulted.
A good question if this is your style is, “Do I really need to have it my way, and if so, how come?” Some people’s poor boundaries look like waiting for someone to always save them and asking everyone to do their adulting for them. There is a full continuum of having no boundaries like loaning out money all the time, or rigid ones, like never wanting to compromise. Yup, fun times.
- Reactivity
Now, imagine someone challenges your ideology, and an immediate defense mechanism kicks in – welcome to the codependent tango of reactivity. It suggests our safety is tied to everyone agreeing with us. Politics, ideologies, or any thought dogma can trigger this reaction. Faced with a dissenting opinion, we may innocently become indignant, holding tightly to our beliefs.
But remember, people choose paths based on resonance, not as a personal challenge to our views. Threats outside ourselves are a classic move. If someone's thinking differs, it might feel like a personal challenge. Keep this in mind as we unravel more layers of codependency.
- Caretaking
Imagine this: someone around you faces a problem, and your instinct is to swoop in and help, going above and beyond. You might mutter, "Well, I have to do that because of X, Y, and Z," or the classic, "No one's going to do it if I don't do it."
Pause for reflection. Ever wondered about the unconscious behavior at play? The belief that "Nobody will do it if I don't" echoes in our minds. If you didn't exist, who would step up? Who would handle responsibilities, from caring for an elderly parent to looking after a child? Now, shift the perspective – if that child were an adult or your partner, and you felt resentment supporting them, what if you stopped? What would happen?
Truth bomb: Caretakers often find themselves inflamed and burdened. Absorbing others' pain becomes heavy without boundaries.
I’m not saying abandon the elderly or your child, just put YOU in your schedule too so you can continue to serve in the way that you feel loving and not resentful. Remember, it's essential to draw a line when it jeopardizes your well-being. Boundaries, my friend, are the key.
- Being Controlling
On to the sixth symptom – being controlling. It's a coping mechanism for codependents seeking safety in having everything their way.
Controlling tendencies surface when events demand consultation or checking-in. You might feel indignant when things don't align with your expectations. Controlling becomes a sign, a way to manage the discomfort of feeling deficient.
This dynamic often plays out in our unconscious state. It manifests as subtle manipulations, creating an environment where others defer to you. It's a delicate dance of control, a mechanism to feel safe.
Approach these insights with compassion. If untreated trauma lingers, these tendencies emerge as compensations to navigate the complexities of existence.
- Dysfunctional Communication
Enter number seven – dysfunctional communication. Holding back the truth to avoid upsetting others is its essence. We stick to social norms, attending events while internally screaming, "I don't want to go! I just don't feel like it!"
Imagine being crystal clear about your feelings, saying, "Thank you for the invitation. I am not up for going this time, but I appreciate you thinking of me.” They don’t need to hear your inner voice of, “That sounds horrible, and it’s so not my vibe. I would rather stay home and do nothing.” Picture the freedom of allowing others to be mad or disappointed without internalizing their reactions.
- Obsessing
Number eight, putting on our paranoid hat and obsessing. “Why did they say that? What did they mean?” Anxiety creeps in, dissecting every word, text, or email. Here's the reality check – we forget that we're all valuable humans regardless of what anyone says or does.
Whether it's a boss, partner, or friend, our safety doesn't hinge on their actions. Obsessing often roots itself in a trauma response, a looping journey through various neural pathways.
- Dependency
Now, let's talk about number nine – dependency. We're inherently interdependent beings, yet there's a fine line between healthy connection and problematic dependency.
Another facet of dependency surfaces when we cannot tolerate being alone. If we're constantly seeking external stimuli – the next partner, the next friend, the next social function – we might be avoiding a deeper relationship with ourselves. Hey, you’re not so bad to be around. Take some time to get to know yourself. You are your longest companion and best friend after all.
- Denial
Last but not least, number ten – denial. It's the classic behavior of attributing our feelings to external factors or adopting an air of superiority. "People should follow my rulebook; I'm always correct." This snobbish denial might stem from a needy space where we vacillate between expecting others to adhere to our rules and wondering why nobody's taking care of us.
Wrap-Up Wisdom: Taking Charge of Your Growth Journey
Understanding and addressing codependency is a crucial step toward personal growth and success. As we've explored the nuances together, it's time for transformative action.
Break Free with Invoke and Release®:
Ready to liberate yourself from codependency's grip? Invoke and Release® offers a powerful energy psychology healing protocol to:
- Liberate from unconscious patterns tied to codependency.
- Establish and maintain healthy boundaries.
- Overcome reactivity and controlling tendencies.
- Cultivate open and honest communication.
- Release obsessive thoughts and anxieties.
- Foster healthy connections and dependency.
Join the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle:
Amplify your healing journey by joining the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle. Benefit from:
- Guided healing practices enhancing the protocol.
- Cultivation of personal growth and awareness.
- Breaking free from limiting beliefs perpetuated by codependency.
Ready to transform your mindset? Join the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle Now and embark on a journey to a more positive and fulfilling life.
Invoke and Release® Healing Circle
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