Overcoming Internalized Inferiority
Oct 18, 2024
Where Feeling Deficient Comes From
Isn't it interesting how even if you were lucky enough to grow up with a supportive family, over time, that feeling of deficiency, or not feeling good enough just seeps in there?
Many of us have had those feelings creep up, even without an obvious reason. It makes you wonder what causes that critical inner voice or negative thinking.
One source of feeling deficient is the societal norms and biases we absorb as we grow older. Discrimination based on your ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or religion can chip away at our self-esteem whether we consciously believe them or not.
For example, if you were raised in an area where people with European ancestry’s culture were considered the norm, many people with non-European background would spend their life code-switching trying to follow the rules to be accepted.
Over time, these mainstream norms can become an internalized voice that reinforces “I am inadequate.”
Related to this is the concept of microaggressions. What exactly are microaggressions? In simple terms, they are small comments or actions, intentional or not, that can subtly communicate dismissal or bias towards historically marginalized groups.
I want to focus less on accusing here, and more on increasing understanding because greater awareness can help prevent hurtful exchanges.
In this blog, you'll learn:
- 🌱 Where Feeling Deficient Comes From
- 🌍 Understanding Cultural Miscommunications
- 🧠 How Biases Take Root
- 👤 Breaking Free from Stereotypes
- 📊 The Hierarchy of Social Privilege
- 💡 Gender and Sexual Orientation: Unseen Impacts
- 🌟 Steps to Overcome Feelings of Inferiority
Understanding Cultural Miscommunications
I'd like to share a bit about my personal journey when it comes to cultural differences. I was raised by parents speaking Arabic, where expressions of endearment are woven into daily interactions. Terms like "Love" or "Habibi" (my love) are used freely as signs of affection, even between platonic friends.
However, I've learned firsthand that what conveys warmth in one culture can come across differently when translated literally into another. For instance, watching an Arabic subtitled film with two heterosexual male friends calling each other "Habibi" in Arabic seems perfectly natural. Yet when translated to English subtitles, it might cause confusion and come off oddly.
In my upbringing, elders, and teachers would regularly say things like, "Yislama eedaiki," meaning, “Bless your hands.” This ingrained care and affection into communication for me.
However, I had an eye-opening moment at a party years ago, where I said something to a woman with kind intentions, but she found it condescending.
I realized then that my cultural "rulebook" around expressing regard could cause unintentional offense when applied elsewhere. It was unsettling to think I may have crossed similar boundaries before without realizing it. This experience taught me that because I’m in the states, many people assume their rule book is the correct one, and “I should know proper etiquette. “
How Biases Take Root
Biases and microaggressions can become deeply internalized over time from various ancestral, family, gender, and cultural agreements, often without us realizing it consciously.
If we gently unpack any internalized biases we carry, we can understand how they shape our perspectives and interactions. Remember, they just accidently get absorbed, so please don’t assume you’re stuck with any of them. Here are a few key sources where these internalized beliefs tend to originate:
- These beliefs take root within our own families while we grow up.
- If you had a narcissistic parent or a favored sibling, that likely left deep scars affecting your self-image even now.
- As the favored "golden child," you may have felt constant pressure to be perfect, leading to feelings of never being good enough.
These painful childhood messages can embed beliefs that others matter more than you.
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Our Culture
- Cultural conditioning influences our self-perception and aspirations. The expectation of carrying on the family business, or going to an Ivy league school can create a deep burden.
- Individuation in some cultures is considered betrayal, while in other cultures, if you don’t individuate, it’s labeled as failure to launch.
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Our Gender
- Within families, gender biases and stereotypes impact our self-worth.
- These rigid roles and assumptions often become ingrained.
- Parental preference of child gender can contribute to feeling worthy or not.
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Our ethnicity
- Within every ethnicity, there are often unspoken social hierarchies at play, even between neighborhoods or towns.
- Straying from norms can lead to ridicule/shame, instilling doubts and making certain paths seem off-limits.
Breaking Free from Stereotypes
For decades there have been some valuable eye-opening books that explore the complex roots of racism. It's encouraging that more people seem open to learning about how we all impact each other, and how we can be mutual allies.
The book by Dr. Robin DiAngelo, “White Fragility: Why is it So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism”, became popular and a big topic with several of my clients during the George Floyd killing, and Black Lives Matter movement. Dehumanizing the black and brown community still happens until this day, and whether we come from these communities or not, it’s important to consciously make an effort to notice when we slip into feeling inferior.
I've had the experience of being labeled a "terrorist" simply because of my Middle Eastern roots. When persistent over time, even jokes become off putting and irritating.
It's also true that some of us carry societal privileges we may not fully recognize in our daily lives.
- For example, being able to walk into a store without heightened scrutiny or assumptions of wrongdoing is something many take for granted.
- But for others, that undeserved suspicion and constant need to "prove" oneself becomes exhausting over time.
My aim is not to accuse or shame based on race or ethnicity here. None of us can fully understand another's personal journey and struggles. But I believe we can expand our compassion for all people.
- There is still room for all of us to gently unpack unseen biases, be willing to listen, and see the shared humanity in one another.
The Hierarchy of Social Privilege
When I was in grad school, there was a Cross-Cultural Awareness class, and they discussed the idea of, “Who's at the top of the social privilege food chain.”
This class was over 20 years ago, so it may have changed, but this was what they said:
As you may have guessed…
The top of the food chain was the cisgender heterosexual Caucasian man. The second was not a Caucasian woman. It was a Japanese man. And the third wasn't even a Caucasian gay man just yet! It just kept going. There's a certain status that people get.
What's even more interesting is the pressure that comes with these perceptions. Studies have shown that Caucasian people are often hired for their potential, while people of color are hired for their excellence.
This creates an added layer of pressure, feeling like you have to constantly prove yourself to overcome these ingrained biases.
It's these subtle nuances that can really get under your skin and shape how you see yourself and others. That's why it's so important to bring these issues to our awareness and challenge them head-on.
Unseen Impacts of Gender and Sexual Orientation
Gender and sexual orientation can affect one’s treatment and opportunities. It’s frustrating when voices get dismissed or contributions are undermined due to identity.
- For instance, women in meetings often face interruptions or being “mansplained” in condescending ways.
- And within LGBTQi+ communities, many deal with invasive personal questions and disregard for privacy boundaries. (It’s never polite to ask anyone about their private parts!)
All of this can not only make you feel disrespected by being rejected by society, but adds another layer of feeling deficient that weighs heavy on your soul.
Remember, we can all benefit from expanding our awareness of the subtle and overt hurdles marginalized groups encounter, (which is mostly everyone). So let’s all be the guardians of humanity and respectfully lift each other up.
Steps to Overcome Feelings of Inferiority
- Notice and question your "deficiency narrative" that we’ve all absorbed from being alive
- Recognize that different cultures have diverse "rules" and norms and remember you’re allowed to be you
- Understanding your biases, so you don’t accidentally display microaggressions
- Reflect on our own cultural biases while remembering everyone has their own rule book
- Decide you are equal to everyone, and notice how you feel at the end of the day
- Have the audacity to be you because that’s your responsibility and honor
- Focus on your inherent worth regardless of society stereotypes
Would you like to be taken through the process of Overcoming Inferiority and Reclaiming Wholeness?
The information above is from a class inside the Mastery section of the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle. There you will find a step-by-step healing path to help you overcome feelings of inferiority, reclaim your self-worth, and achieve inner wholeness.
You can find the From Inferior to Wholeness healing class in the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle.
The Invoke and Release® Healing Modality helps you:
- Remove internalized feelings of inferiority so you can embrace your true worth
- Challenge negative self-perceptions absorbed from society
- Recognize diverse cultural "rules" and norms
- Gently investigate internalized biases shaping your perspectives
- Focus on inherent worth rather than comparisons and external validation
Joining the Invoke and Release® Healing Circle provides these benefits:
- Releasing emotional pain from past mistreatment or marginalization
- Anchoring a sense of dignity and self-respect within
- Attuning to feelings of diminishing self-worth in interactions
- Establishing boundaries against disrespect or unfair treatment
- Embracing your authentic self beyond stereotypes and judgments
Important Links:
Reveal and Heal Obstacles to Your Success™
Invoke and Release® Healing Circle
Helpful blogs:
Seeing through the Seduction of Negative Thinking
Ancestral, Family, Gender and Cultural Agreements as an Obstacle to your Dreams
Is Your Family Legacy Weighing You Down? How to Let Go and Heal
The Ultimate Guide to Identifying and Transforming Your Limiting Beliefs
Recommended Book:
The Message, by Ta-Nehisi Coates (Great book describing his experiences of discrimination and segregation).
White Fragility: Why is it So Hard for White People to Talk About Racism, by Dr. Robin DiAngelo,
